50 Ways Against A Lawsuit

With apologies to Paul Simon (50 Ways To Leave Your Lover).

This lyric 'rewrite' was inspired by a discussion about the diminishing state of a certain virtual community, what it's future held, and what responsibility the owners may or may not have had for that situation. One of the comments in the conversation went along the lines of 'the basic membership is free, so you've not lost anything'. This inspired an alternative take on Paul Simon's classic tune.

N.B. I've excluded the chorus because they name checked people from the virtual community, and I've not yet sought permission to include their names; plus, my version of the chorus wasn't particularly well written, if I am honest.

[Verse 1]

The problems are all inside your mind, they said to me

The plaintiffs laughed aloud, and smiled suspiciously

We cannot help you if your membership is free

We're covered fifty ways against a lawsuit

We say it's not our fault, despite what you have claimed

We've lost your evidence, and now cannot be blamed

You signed the Ts and Cs, so legally you're tamed

We're covered fifty ways against a lawsuit

Fifty ways against a lawsuit

[Chorus]

[Verse 2]

They said, It does amuse us so, to see you in such pain

We wish we could do something more to make things worse again

I said, I'm seeking legal aid, and hope they can explain

About the 50 ways...

They said, We wish the best of luck, your litigation stance

Our contract's tied so tight, your lawyer's got no chance

We'll press for damages, our funds you will enhance

We're covered fifty ways against a lawsuit

Fifty ways against a lawsuit

[Chorus]